


I Spy

by Vixen13



Series: One Shots [6]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternative Universe - FBI, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Spy - Freeform, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 07:07:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15383370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vixen13/pseuds/Vixen13
Summary: Wade’s job at the FBI was boring. Get new file, hack into target’s computer, spy on them, close file. Then one day the file of P. Parker ended up being assigned to him. Andwow, Peter was cute. Perhaps that case needed a little extra attention…





	I Spy

**Author's Note:**

> This was super fun to work on and I appreciate all the people that I worked with!!! My team was  
> Lilly as the artist who made me this moodboard~  
> https://deadspiderpool.tumblr.com/post/176141270147/moodboard-for-thatvixenchicks-fic-ispy  
> Pinesterr as my amazing beta reader!  
> And Crockzilla as our wonderful supporter! (I love you, boo!) ((Check her out here! She wrote a fic for Prompt Bang toooo! https://archiveofourown.org/users/crockzilla))
> 
> Edit: omg I just had two amazing friends read this and send me quick doodles for it. XD SO fast! lol I love you guys! I'll link them below and drop the pictures in the fic. <3

Wade yawned and stretched his arms high over his head as he leaned back in the desk chair. A new assignment had just popped up in his inbox. It looked boring. Who knew working a desk job at the FBI would be boring? But it was. He dropped his arms with a huff, picked up a pen, and started rapid-fire clicking it as he opened up the job and started printing things out for the hard copy folder.

He didn’t have to worry about annoying people in the other cubicles. Though not worrying about annoying people was exactly why why he was in a high-walled cubicle in the corner, surrounded by absolutely nobody. It suited him. He was much too easily distracted to have people around anyway.

Opening the file on the new suspect, Wade perused the information. Apparently, the person had downloaded a government spyware virus via torrenting Game of Thrones. That wasn’t unusual. People did that all the time while torrenting. Typically, there was a compulsory background check, a sweep of the computer, and the case was closed.

However, this case got escalated to Wade because the scan had pinged some pretty nasty sites, all involved in a drug ring case happening in New York City. So Wade was stuck with the job of combing through the poor person’s entire life to see if they were somehow involved. Wade flicked his eyes over to read the name of his victim: Peter Benjamin Parker.

Pretty basic name — not that Wade Winston Wilson had any room to talk.

It took the course of a single _Wham!_ playlist to determine that precious little Peter was breaking into journalism. Or rather, trying to. He was an established photographer already, but it appeared he was aiming for more income. Wade read over Peter’s other submitted (and rejected) pieces for kicks and giggled excessively over how bad they were. Currently, Peter was trying to write an article on the drug ring, it seemed.

Wade remote connected to Peter’s computer and found it in use. Tapping into the webcam and microphone, Wade sat back in his chair, propped his legs up on his desk, and settled in. Sure, Peter looked clean on paper, but Wade had to spend the appropriate amount of time spying to make sure it wasn’t just someone really clever trying to throw off the po-po.

The screen popped up an image of an empty computer chair and a messy apartment behind it. Wade grabbed a bag of popcorn and reached back to pop it into his mini work microwave. Was that against regulations? Yes. Did anyone argue? No. Wade shared his popcorn with those that asked (with extra butter).

Peter’s driver’s license picture had been attached to his file already, but Wade knew from experience that those things were absolute lies and rarely looked anything like the actual person. Which was why Wade was surprised to see the most adorkable twink to ever twunk walk into the room carrying a plate of pizza rolls. Peter was _cute._

Faded jeans, chemistry joke t-shirt, crazy brown hair sticking in every direction, big brown eyes, and thick-rimmed glasses painted the perfect picture of a man. He sat down with a sigh and started opening up browser windows, which Wade could also see. Peter settled in with his plate of pizza rolls and started bringing up all the sites that had gotten him in trouble in the first place.

Wade’s popcorn dinged and reminded him to stop drooling and pay attention. “Yeah, yeah…” Wade muttered and pulled out the steaming bag. It smelled like super secret spy time, which was probably a Pavlovian response he’d done to himself. Oh well. It kept him focused.

As pretty as Peter was, he was boring. Well, everyone was boring when doing research on the web, Wade supposed. Still, Wade had expected some distractions on celebrity gossip sites or a computer game or two. Nada. Peter was diligent and focused, making the worst kind of notes about what he found on the various websites he visited. Amateur mistakes that pained Wade to see at the point he was at in his career.

“Oh, Petey. You’re so bad at this.” Wade munched away.

 

Hours later, Peter attempted to write up some of his notes, but it didn’t go all that well. Peter muttered to himself and deleted more than he actually wrote. Wade was utterly convinced at Peter’s innocence of being involved in drug ring activity. He was also half dozing in his seat.

The office was quiet since most people had gone home for the night. They all had lives. Wade didn’t. He was paid salary, so it wasn’t like he was getting anything for overtime, but it also meant he could get his cases done in less time and then use up a sick day to go do something fun. He was a terrible example of a model government worker, in all honesty.

At long last, Peter had frustrated himself enough to rage quit. He sat back in his chair, fingers running through his puffy hair, eyes closed and eyebrows scrunched. Poor Peter looked so worn out. He got up and wandered off, likely hitting the restroom or getting another snack. Wade yawned and checked the time — nine at night. Maybe he should call it quits and spy again another day.

But then Peter wandered back in, this time sans pants and his shirt rucked up as he scratched at his stomach. Wade’s sleepy eyes snapped to attention as he drank in those long legs and that hint of abs trimming the small waist. The boxer briefs were a damn tease and Wade was abruptly reminded of how long it’d been since he’d gotten laid.

Well, it wouldn’t hurt to stick around a little longer, right? There was a required minimum of forty-eight hours of spy time to do, and the longer Wade stayed now, the less time he’d have to do later. Not that he wanted less time. Peter was so nice to look at. It was gonna suck to go back to nose pickers and fart rippers after this.

(Wade secretly liked the fart rippers. He had a Richter scale setup on a map of America where he wrote down the point values of each one he heard and in what city. His managers were afraid to ask about his giant cubicle poster and what it meant.)

Peter collapsed back into his chair, took a long swig of Dr. Pepper, and then opened an incognito tab. For porn. Wade couldn’t help but giggle. Peter lived alone and was still using a hidden window so that his search history wasn’t tracked. It was cute how Peter was more paranoid about his porn than he was of his illegal downloads.

The screenshare showed Peter typing in some very specific word choices. He must have a favorite video. Wade was a little surprised to see the BDSM section of a website pop up, but alas, it wasn’t anything crazy that Peter was selecting. Still, it was a pretty interesting choice. “Straight sub turns gay with the help of loving dom.” What a title.

Though Wade had seen a lot of porn in his day, he liked the straightforward kind. Peter seemed to enjoy the shitty role play. It was mostly soft praise kink, the large bear of a top telling the lanky straight boy tech genius how good of a computer repair job he’d done. That led pretty quickly into some blow jobs with a lot of encouragement and “good boy” thrown around. If only sex worked that easy in real life.

For a time, Peter only watched, a slight flush running up his neck. Wade ended up absorbed with what was happening in the porn and chuckling at the bad acting and uncomfortable looking viagra dicks. So invested was he in trying to make predictions of what would be said next, that he totally didn’t notice what was happening until it was too late.

Peter made a noise. Wade looked over at the other screen. Peter had his dick out. Wade almost fell out of his chair.

Honestly, it shouldn’t have been surprising. Man watches porn -> Man jerks off to porn. That’s just how things work. But it was late, and Wade had always been easily distracted, and this was definitely breaking protocol, and, and— He should have closed things down the minute Peter abandoned his shitty reporting, long before the porn had even been Google searched. Wade should _definitely_ be logging out now.

Except he wasn’t. He was instead staring at the computer monitor that showed Peter’s underwear tucked up under the balls, hand on dick, stroking slowly, eyes locked on the video that was playing. Peter’s cock was about as pretty as the rest of him, all smooth, perfect lines and well proportioned. Wade licked his lips, wishing he was licking something else.

“You’re a bad, bad man,” Wade mumbled to himself.

His office floor was likely abandoned, only the occasional janitor meandering by so late at night. There were no cameras, it was a breach of privacy since they were already spying on people as it was. Wade’s dick happily proclaimed that they could join in on the festivities without anyone the wiser. Wade tried to talk Ol’ Willy down.

“Easy girl. That’s really bordering on the creepy, ya know?”

 _I want his pretty lips wrapped around me like the guy in the porno!_ Ol’ Willy replied in a high pitched, chipper voice.

Wade didn’t necessarily disagree… Man, he was a _terrible_ employee. He palmed Ol’ Willy through his pants and tried to restrain himself despite the fact that his eyes were locked on the little bead of precum at the head of Peter’s dick that the shitty webcam was barely picking up. Enhance and zoom would not be an approved work order in this situation.

Peter’s face was mostly relaxed, lips slightly parted, eyelids drooped, half his mind on the video and the other half on his cock. He kept his breathing slow and steady, his hand unhurried like he wanted it to last. His entranced face was _doing_ things for Wade.

Then, just as the big guy in the video shoved fingers into the twink’s mouth, Peter’s free hand slowly rose, his mouth opened, and two digits slipped inside. Peter’s eyelids fluttered as his own fingers pressed against his tongue. Wet lips sealed around his knuckles and started suckling. The video said, “You suck so good, my handsome little boy,” and Peter twitched, the hand on his cock squeezing tighter, his eyes slitting open to stare at the screen in a daze.

A wet noise caught Wade’s attention. He looked down to find his hand wrapped around his whipped out dick. “Willy! What are you doing?!”

_Yee-haw!_

Unable to look away any longer, Wade’s eyes flicked back up to the screen as pleasure sparked through his insides. He was not only a bad employee, he was a bad person. Not that he’d ever claimed to be much of anything else. Honestly, why was he even working for the FBI? Oh yeah, previous special ops and wounded vet that earned brownie points with the right people. So there he was with a boring, well paying, cushy job that offered free porn.

That last part wasn’t in the job description.

_And yet._

Peter was putting his hips into it, rocking them up to meet the downward stroke of his hand. His breathing was picking up, and he seemed to get harder with every over indulgent praise the porno offered. His fingers slipped from his mouth, trailing saliva. They dropped, settling in his lap, then diving into his bunched up underwear, then curling under him, and—

Wade groaned when he realized where those fingers had gone. They couldn’t be seen. Were they just rubbing the cute little pucker, or were they delving inside just a little? Wade was aching to know and his imagination was going wild with the possibilities. He wondered what else Peter liked. Could be anything. Sky’s the limit. Maybe Wade could introduce Peter to a few kinks, in fact. Wade had quite the collection, after all.

There wasn’t much to be heard from the shitty mic on Peter’s laptop, especially since the video feed of the porn drowned out any other noises. However, a soft little huff made it through and Wade’s pleasure spiked with it. Oh, but Wade wanted to have Peter make all _kinds_ of noises. Moans and whimpers and gasps, oh my…

Heat coiled tight in Wade’s stomach. He grabbed a tissue from the box on his desk and dropped it like a veil on Ol’ Willy who always tended to feel real pretty like that. It was odd how turned on Wade was. Maybe it was the thrill of doing something so invasive with a stranger added to the thrill of possibly getting caught at work. Maybe it was the way Peter’s eyebrows crinkled as he bit his bottom lip.

Peter’s hand moved faster. So did Wade’s. Wade tried hard to hold out, desperate for that money shot. Peter grabbed a tissue. _Awww! Twinsies!_ It wasn’t long after that Peter was curling forward, a deep grunt echoing in a tinny way through the speakers. That alone was enough to send Wade barreling over the edge himself, biting back any obvious noises just in case someone was nearby.

Wade dropped his head back against the headrest of his chair and took a moment to just breathe. Peter was relaxed as well, looking mostly boneless and groggy, hand slowly milking out the last of his release into the tissue. Ohhh, he looked good like that, all sated and oozing sex appeal. Wade wanted to cuddle them close and bury his nose into that riot of hair and just bask in the afterglow.

Which… granted… was a weird thought to have about a stranger. Man, Wade had catapulted himself to stalker status in the space of just a few hours. How lame was that? In his defense, most of it was his job. The rest of it… Yeah, totally stalkery.

Peter started closing things down as he cleaned up. He yawned multiple times. Looked like bedtime was imminent. Wade decided to clean up as well, tucking himself away, and writing up a few things for the report. He kept the video feed open until the laptop closed. At long last, Wade shut it all down and clocked out.

“You’re still here?” Janice, one of the janitors, asked as Wade made his way to the elevators.

“Ain’t no rest for the wicked.” Wade winked at her.

Janice rolled her eyes. “Try not to get in trouble with the FBI, Wade.” She was far too intuitive sometimes. Either that or Wade was just that obvious. Probably the latter.

“No promises!” Wade said cheerily as the elevator dinged.

 

~*~

 

It was official; Wade had it bad.

The accumulated hours that were mandatory had long passed. Wade was now working on other cases while Peter’s file was still open. For the first time in his life, he was coming into work early in order to get his other work done in time for Peter to get home. At that point, Wade logged in and watched like the lovesick stalker that he was.

The accidental-free-cam-show didn’t happen again. Peter rarely jerked off at his computer desk, and the times he did bring his laptop along with him to bed, it was at a terrible angle and Wade couldn’t see anything. He would cut the feed out of a sense of guilt. Though he still ended up jerking off to the memory of the first time and all the little noises Peter made.

 _Listen_ , okay? It wasn’t just an extreme thirst that kept Wade invested. No, Peter was just too cute to handle. He was smart, geeky, cheesy, and had great taste in shows. Even though he didn’t know it, Peter watched quite a few shows with Wade (who needed to refill his popcorn stash). It was fun — almost like online dates!

Online dates that the other person was unaware of.

It didn’t matter, right? It wasn’t like Wade was ever going to meet the man. Eventually, he’d have to close Peter’s file and move on. In the meantime, Wade enjoyed himself while reading Peter’s terrible articles, marveling over Peter’s photography, and giggling over Peter arguing with trolls on Reddit.

The whole situation was distracting from Wade’s usual life. He felt happier than he had in a long time. There was just something about Peter that was particularly endearing, leaving Wade in a pleasantly good mood. Even his co-workers commented on it. They were happy for him, though they’d probably be less happy if they found out the reason why.

Wade propped his chin in his hand and sighed dreamily at his computer screen where Peter slouched, trimming his nails. Honestly, Wade wouldn’t mind watching Peter pick his nose. Wade was just that far gone. It was a problem.

“Oh, Petey… What am I supposed to do about this?”

Ol’ Willy had some ideas. Wade dismissed them.

Peter’s phone rang and Wade perked up. Peter answered it with a little smile and a jolt of jealousy shot through Wade. Which was, okay yeah, it was unfair. Possibly a little crazy. Wade had zero claim on a man that didn’t even know he existed. But seriously… who was on the other end?

“Hey, Aunt May!” Peter said when he answered.

Wade collapsed back into his chair in relief. Peter’s face said he was very fond of his aunt, which was sweet. Wade knew from Peter’s file that he’d been raised by her. It was nice to know that they had a good relationship. Wade couldn’t always say the same about his own family.

“Yeah, I’m still working on it. It’s hard when you’re new to the business.”

Peter must be talking about his piss-poor attempts at reporting. The built-in microphone couldn’t pick up any of the other end of the conversation unless Peter decided to put it on speaker, which he did not. Wade resisted the urge to hack into Peter’s computer and write a note, all Matrix style. (He’d always wanted to do that, but _apparently_ , it was against policy.)

“No, I’m not dating anyone. Yes, I would tell you.” Peter rolled his eyes like it was a common discussion between them. Wade’s heart did a little jig. _Single status confirmed!_

“I haven’t heard from her in over a year…” Peter looked a little sad, eyes distant as he said it. Her? Did Peter date women? Was the porn just a kink? Was he bi? Bi-curious? Wade could work with bi-curious. _Let me be your transition gay!_

An error popped up on Peter’s computer, making the whole screen glitch and the camera wink off and back on. Peter frowned at the screen and started hitting buttons. Wade sighed. Peter had more than one virus now, and he really needed to stop with the torrenting. His computer was going down fast.

“What? Sorry. My computer is doing this thing now… I think I need to bring it in to get fixed.” There was a pause at Peter clicked around, shutting down programs. “What? No. Don’t spend your money on me. I’ll find a way to take care of it.”

Awww, Petey didn’t like handouts. That was so him. Not that he was in much of a financial position to be turning down the help. Wade knew; he’d been through Peter’s tax returns, check stubs, credit cards, and purchase history. Look, that part was for the actual job this time, okay? No creepy intentions at all! Not like he was trying to be a sugar daddy or anything.

_Unless you want me to be your sugar daddy, Petey-pie._

“I promise I’m doing okay!” Peter argued and then make a bunch of small responses as his aunt presumably talked. “Okay, sure… I love you, too. Bye.”

Peter sighed and leaned back in his chair, giving his computer a dirty look and hitting a button on it angrily. “My work depends on you working,” he muttered.

 _Wade’s_ work depended on it working, too. If Peter’s computer went down, then Wade couldn’t spy anymore. He’d either have to close the case or call Peter in for an interview.

With a dramatic gasp, Wade sat up ramrod straight in his chair. An interview! He could talk to Peter directly! No… No, no. That was too much. Too far. There was no need to scare the pants off of Peter by pulling him into an FBI building. Besides, what was he gonna do, ask Peter on a date while grilling him for illegal drug activity? Not the best first impression, that was for sure.

Really, Wade just needed to end his stalking the moment Peter’s computer died. He had self-control. He could do it. He didn’t need to worry about Peter’s financial problems or his dead computer or his pretty brown eyes… _No! Focus! It ends with the death of the laptop and that’s final!_

 

~*~

 

Peter was having the worst day of his life. He had barely made rent, his laptop was dead and beyond repair, he was having to borrow work computers to edit his photographs for the Bugle, and he’d just received a letter. A letter from the FBI. Which demanded that Peter show up for an interview. _Demanded_ , which meant it was _definitely a bad thing_.

Why did the FBI want to talk to _him_ of all people? Had he stepped into something that he wasn’t supposed to while doing research for his articles? Was that why they weren’t getting published? Oh no… Were they gonna make him… _disappear_?

_Calm down! This isn’t some comic book plot!_

Peter took deep breaths to settle his racing heart as he read over the letter, again and again, trying to divine more meaning from it and paranoid that he was reading the date wrong. What happened if he was late? Showed up on the wrong day? Would they arrest him? Would he go to court? Would they send him to jail? He didn’t want to be a prison bitch!

Now would be a _great_ time to Google if other people got letters like these and what they meant. But his damn computer was dead! Going through forums on his phone was a pain in the ass. He’d do it, of course — he was too wired to do much else — but it would probably ramp up his stress levels even more.

He was right.

After three days of barely any sleep, constant pacing, panicking over every (probably fake) story he came across on Reddit, and having the _worst_ kind of stress poops, the day of the interview arrived. Peter was wearing the clothes he wore when he applied to the Daily Bugle, which was the closest thing he had to professional. If he’d had the money he would have rented a suit or something. Did one wear a suit to an FBI interrogation? What was the protocol?

Peter stood in front of the innocuous looking building and desperately tried to swallow his nerves. If he looked too terrified, they would definitely tag it as suspicious behavior. It would be just his luck that anxiety got him sent to jail on false charges. Peter’s stomach rumbled in stressed out agony. Taking a deep breath, Peter clenched his butt cheeks and forced himself to walk forward and into the building.

The receptionist was blank-faced and polite, but may as well have been trying to eviscerate Peter for all that it reassured him. The wait to be taken back was less than fifteen minutes — which for a building that size was fairly decent — but Peter almost threw up three times. He was sweating already. He probably looked like he had the flu. Man, he hoped they assumed he had the flu.

Someone with a large badge hanging off the end of a lanyard, along with a fully armed security guard, led Peter through multiple security doors and into a room. It was like something out of a movie. A small concrete room with a table and two chairs — nothing else. The security guard took up position just outside the door as Peter was left alone inside, only the tiny window in the door showing a view of something other than blank grey walls.

Every scene from every crime procedural he’d ever watched flashed through his head. Did he have the right to a lawyer? Why hadn’t he requested a lawyer?!

The door clacked and Peter flinched, looking up from his hard metal chair to see a man in an untidy suit stroll into the room and sit across from Peter. The person… wasn’t what Peter was expecting. The man held out his hand and Peter shook it, half in a daze.

“Agent Wilson, but you can call me Wade.” An almost blinding smile was leveled on Peter, who practically had to squint to be able to bear it.

“Uhhh…” was his unintelligible response.

Wade had close-cut blonde hair on the right side of his head (and half an eyebrow) leading into warm, golden skin sporting a perfect complexion. However, the left side of his face was covered with warped scars. It was like something had exploded against that side and took out the majority of his face. Perhaps that was exactly what had happened. The teeth on Wade’s left side were too white and more straight, so it seemed he’d lost some of those as well.

A cochlear implant sat behind Wade’s missing ear and a normal hearing aid was on the right. The scarring dipped down into the collar of his shirt. Peter wondered how far the scars actually went. It wasn’t just a passing thought, unfortunately. No, despite the situation, Peter’s brain went into overdrive taking in Wade’s square jaw, broad shoulders, muscled chest, and sturdy build.

Blue eyes twinkled at Peter. “Thank you for coming in today. It makes me happy that you were so punctual.”

Peter blushed. He couldn’t help it. The heat pooled in his stomach, crawled up his neck, and into his cheeks. Why the ever-loving fuck did Wade’s speech have the same cadence as his favorite porn star? He was being given the shakedown by the FBI! He should not be thinking about those big strong hands pushing him onto the table and telling him how nice he looked and—

_Stop it! AHHH!_

The corner of Wade’s lips twitched. “I suppose you’re wondering why I called you in today.”

Peter tried to answer coherently, but it came out as a weird squawking noise.

“You see, your habit of illegally downloading television shows, movies, and games pinged your poorly hidden IP address. At that point, our systems were notified of your presence on various websites associated with certain drug cartels.”

“I was just researching!” Peter squeaked.

A smirk slowly spread across Wade’s face. “Researching what?”

“For an article!” Peter was breathing too fast. Oh no, he totally looked guilty! “I work at a newspaper!”

“As a photographer,” Wade challenged.

“I’m new to reporting!” What was his voice so high?! “Do all reporters get called into the FBI?” Damn! That had just blurted out! He hadn’t meant to say that!

Wade looked like he was trying hard not to laugh at the question. Was that a power play or was Wade just rude? “Only the reporters guilty of pirating.”

 _Shit!_ Was he really going to end up in jail over his torrenting habit? “I-I’m just poor! And my computer’s dead anyway! I no longer have the content!”

“Well, that’s one upside, isn’t it?”

Sweat trickled down the back of Peter’s neck and he resisted the urge to scratch at the feeling. Scratching the back of the neck was what guilty people did! One wrong move and his life was over! Peter took a breath and it shook.

“Hey.”

Peter snapped his too wide eyes up to look at Wade.

“Calm down, you’re doing really well.”

That damn tone of voice again! And the way he said it! Peter went from about to pee himself in fear to about to pop a woody in 0.2 seconds. His head spun with the abrupt change of emotions. He wasn’t going to survive the meeting. He was going to have a heart attack.

“Good boy,” Wade purred. Purred! Was that allowed?! Was that harassment?! Peter felt harassed. His dick was asking for _more_ harassment. Traitor.

“I, uh…” Peter swallowed hard. “Am I in trouble?”

Wade hummed as he flipped through the file folder sitting on the table between them. “Are you affiliated with any drug cartels local, nationally, or internationally?”

“No.” Peter tried to sound confident, but it came out scared and breathy.

That giant smile was back on Wade’s face as he made a note and then closed the folder. “Well! That’s all I needed to confirm. Since you’ve lost all of the illegally downloaded content, then that is resolved as well.”

Peter blinked, stunned. “Wait… That’s all?”

Wade propped his chin in his hand. “Almost. I could be persuaded to close your file right now if you went and had coffee with me.”

For a long, long moment, Peter just gaped at Wade. Then Peter’s brain caught up and he blurted, “That’s extortion!”

Wade’s bottom lip stuck out in a pout and his shoulders dropped. “Aww, but I’d take you somewhere nice…” he whined.

“You’ve already determined that I’m innocent of being involved in the very drug ring that I’m trying to expose, and you called me in here just to use illegal downloads to hang over my head so you can get a date? Downloads I no longer have?!” The implications of it all were finally starting to hit Peter and he went from terrified and confusingly aroused to angry in, granted, a lot longer than his first emotional flip.

Wade made a valiant attempt to recover. “I just happened to be sent your file. It was your own illegal activity that caused you to be reviewed in the first place.”

“What does that have to do with coffee?!” Peter spluttered.

“Do you not like coffee?”

“That’s not the point!”

Wade narrowed his eyes and thought about it for a moment. “Fine. I’ll buy you a new computer if you agree to a date.”

“That’s bribery,” Peter accused.

Unperturbed, Wade just shrugged and asked, “Is that a no?”

Peter opened his mouth but stopped and really thought about it. “Why would you buy me a new computer just for a date?”

“Because I’m loaded,” Wade said without pause before picking up a pen and rapidly clicking the end of it as a way to distract from how fidgety he’d suddenly become. “I’ll make it top of the line. All the best photo editing software, too. And accessories!”

The poor part of Peter had the prideful part of Peter by the shirt collar and was shaking him aggressively, screaming to take the offer. The more logical side of Peter, which had finally decided to join the party, was assessing Wade’s body language. It was obvious that Wade had been very attractive prior to his injury. Peter thought Wade was _still_ attractive, but then, he didn’t have a lifetime of looking in the mirror to compare it to like Wade did.

Across from Peter sat an insecure man who had likely not asked someone on a date in years, if the current situation was anything to go by. Wade decided it was worth Peter suing for harassment — which would likely cost Wade his job — on the off chance that Peter would say yes. And if Wade worked for the FBI, it wasn’t like he had a criminal history.

“Why do you want to go on a date with me?” Peter asked.

It was Wade’s turn to blush. “Uh, well, I just… We seemed compatible?”

Peter frowned. “How long have you been spying on me?”

Wade blushed harder and looked everywhere but at Peter. “Technically, it’s my job.”

“I feel like asking me out isn’t part of your job description.”

“I’m improvising?”

Peter told himself not to laugh, but he felt his lips betraying him as they curled upwards. Honestly, Wade must have been breaking so many rules just to talk to Peter currently, and for such a reason. Even if Peter didn’t report Wade, there was a good chance Wade’s superiors would take disciplinary action. That should have been weird, excessive, crazy. It should have made Peter uncomfortable.

But Peter found Wade’s drastic flips between confidence and crippling shyness to be somewhat endearing. The fact that Wade was Peter’s type played no small role either. Perhaps Wade was just overworked, lonely, and lacking proper social skills. Peter could relate. Besides, the best way for Peter to get to the bottom of the matter was to find out all he could about Wade…

“How about you close my file,” Peter said.

Wade looked utterly defeated as he deflated in on himself. “Okay…” he mumbled.

“And you buy me a computer for being creepy about this and scaring the shit out of me.”

Wade curled in further and fiddled with the pen enough to break it. “That’s fair…”

“And we go get coffee because we seem compatible.”

Bright blue eyes darted up to stare at Peter in wonder. Like a balloon being aired up, Wade came back to life, sitting up in his chair and almost trembling with excitement. “Really?!”

Peter couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face. “Yeah, really.”

After that, Peter ended up having the best day of his life. He got an amazing new computer with the greatest anti-spyware software on the market. With Wade’s help, Peter wrote the best article of his entire life and submitted it into his job with the actual hope of it being accepted. He also got to try that fancy coffee shop he’d never had the money to allow himself to splurge on before.

Oh, and he started dating this really awesome, slightly off-kilter guy who had the _best_ sex voice Peter had ever heard in his life. Really, what were the odds of that?

 

**Author's Note:**

> So! My surprise arts were from, first, my wonderful darling Spaz found here:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpazkittyX3  
> https://spazkittyx3.tumblr.com/  
> And the second was from the uber lovely Dragonling found here:  
> https://imaginarydragonling.tumblr.com/  
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginary_dragonling/profile
> 
> And my stuff can be found here!  
> http://thatvixenchick.tumblr.com  
> So by popular request, my cats have their own tumblr now. https://vixen13scats.tumblr.com/
> 
>  
> 
> (I have spoken to this artist, discussed this with them, have permission from them to show this picture, have permission to talk about this picture, have permission to note and link to the artist who drew it, and am in continuous contact with this artist. Thank you.)


End file.
